A few home truths before we get to the meat...

14:06

With a healthy precedent established of lying cheating, stealing, deviating, avoiding, and generally just not getting things right in the standard ordinary everyday acceptable way, I’ve found that old age is forcing me to believe in those tediously simplistic and under-entertaining values, but paradoxically I am finding it harder not easier to adhere to them myself, as 35 years of training in the fine art of sticking two fingers up at any kind of controlling authoritative voice is tantamount to “giving in to the man!” man

14:07

There is great artistry and a wealth of trial and tribulation that I lovingly called character building suffering (but that others would probably describe as mindless pig-headedness) that has gone into the fruity and deliciously unusual notes that flavour my ways and means through your conformist world, but that’s no reason to start bleating about my efforts on your behalf.

14:08

The world you inhabit has no time for the positive. Anything that is up to your standard is taken for granted. You only have time to moan about anything which isn’t sufficient, acceptable, up to scratch, good enough, right, or valuable. But here’s where your world stinks a little more like the putrid lie that it really is...

14:09

Not only do you ONLY highlight what’s wrong AND take the good for granted, but you don’t bloody do anything about your gripes. Have another cup of tea, sit back, and MOAN. That’s your way and that’s your excuse for accepting what amounts to some of the shabbiest standards in what is allegedly a world leader of a nation.

14:10

Hold on... what am I saying... you know this already. This is something you airheads are proud of. Insulting foreigners, eating third rate tasteless food, drinking yourselves into oblivion every Friday night to escape the tedium of your mundane and valueless lives whilst moaning some more about all the things you hate but can’t be arsed to do anything about.

14:11

That’s right Britai, Stand proud and tall in a bucket of sewage, with your shirt hanging out rebelliously and your tie half done up at an angle. Football under one arm religiously cradled to protect its inherent value to your tiny little mind.

14:12

As the sewage castle you’ve fashioned from the discarded detritus of your consumer-choice obsessed, throw away culture and the turds you hoped would go away but didn’t, slowly collapses round your ankles and you panic about recession and the declining value of your way of life, just remember this one small point...

14:13

I have been shouting “Wake up!” in your ears for years now. You only have yourselves to blame for being a down trodden bunch of losers with a football obsession!

14:14

If you think you can handle the truth, don’t forget to subscribe to further editions of “The Desk of the Sell-Out Generation”.

14:15

If you are any of the above including obese, stupid, boring, racist, conservative, close-minded, dull, dim, a BMW owner, insensitive, or just not smart enough to understand what I’m saying, then please please please unsubscribe. The intelligent people round here don’t want your window-licking stupidity and blank moon-faced thick little attitudes cluttering up what could be a great, productive and interesting conversation.

14:16

And if you want to know what any of that means, STOP READING THE BLOODY SUN and try a newspaper with words in it!

14:17

Carry on.

A good reason to...

12:57 – Christ this place is a tip... has no one done ANYTHING since I was last in the office?

12:58 – It’s FallingCarefully back in the Bureau, bringing you the weird wild and wonderless world that is Britain today.

12:59 – You’ve certainly been busy in my absence (well not on the cleaning front clearly) but there’s wonders afoot... you ousted Bliar which is good to see. And not surprisingly the Right Wing Conservative neighbours over the pond persisted in sticking with a tried and tested formula that didn’t work the first time round... one day they will learn something... I promise... if they don’t show any signs of doing so we’ll make them learn it... THAT I do promise!

13:00 – Me I’ve been here an there. The sensei’s dojo, the Blackhole of Cullbutter, Tajikistan but you knew about that, there were the hours spent listening to the icicles breath in the Om Jam Sam Sect of Oslo, learning the delightful art of farting with just one buttock. I’ve traded weaponry with disgruntled Primary School teachers, re-educated political hacks, advised Presidents, Snogged turtles, eaten the frothed eyeballs of Political dissidents in an Asapargus jus and seen the Archfangled Light Scale Spectrum of Tracey Emin’s Ear Wax...

13:01 – You may say that I have had an interesting experience but this is a day in the life of Falling. It’s why you come back for more. To hear the edge of reason as it sidles up to your table and quietly asks if it can sit down and dazzle you.

13:02 – When you subscribe to the Desk of the Sell Out, never again will you ask yourself why? Or what’s it all about? A year’s subscription costs you 5 minutes an episode and a pint if you think that’s a reasonable price... but I do have good taste, only the world’s finest will do.

13:03 – Can you sit still long enough to learn? Do you have what it takes to learn the truths of the world? Are you brave enough to hear just what it is that’s been going wrong all this time?

13:04 – Find out more, at the Desk of the Sell Out Generation.

13:05 – Carry on. J

Test test test

SPLAT