17:38
Once again, the hand of the Desk has been forced...
17:39
As I emerge from retirement (once again) only to discover that I am still behind the technology curve (pen and paper will make a retro come back I swear), I find that the long held dream that people could work together in this country was just that...
19:01
(yes it took that long, the Desk has truly sold out and now possesses the next generation of bitter ranters)
19:02
Where was I... ah, yes... a nasty sick little dream. The kind of which you wake up from sweating, absolutely certain you're late for work even though it's Saturday, in a bed you don't recognise, with a smell that suggests curry, kebab and lager were to blame, with a pair of knickers on the floor that could comfortably conceal a Silverback Gorilla's modesty... IN PURPLE, with bum streaks, and a pocketful of receipts that suggested you're guilt caused you to pay for everyone's hangover, ALL NIGHT...
19:03
A coalition in Britain WAS NEVER GOING TO WORK!
19:04
Whoah, alright let me rephrase that...
19:05
A coalition involving Tories was never going to work... they are the end product of 300 generations of inbred bastards trained for dictatorship. In god's name which IDIOT in the Lib Dem's genuinely thought it could work....
19:06
I know Spitting Cobras with more integrity than the lowliest Tory backbencher, let alone the devious, vicious, blue-blooded, inbred Tory with the naturally born pathological ability to kill its grandmother with zero remorse, sell it's young for a hard-fought, blood-curdling profit margin, and eat it's wife but only if she's served with a damm fine Petrus, otherwise grill up the home-help with Lamb's kidneys and save her for a slightly better occasion, just for the chance of a place on the front bench....
19:07
You bring this misery on yourselves. You clearly have no desire for a better society, a society with more equality, not less, a society that actually has public healthcare, where EVERYONE can travel around and where a pension and comfort in old age ISN'T merely the right of wealthy and "noble born" (and I use that phrase in the loosest possible sense imaginable) bastards...
19:08
Then again, if you couldn't see that that evil sodding worm Clegg, is merely a Tory in Lib Dem's clothing, well then that's you're own problem.
19:09
It seems I have to dust off the Cape and Superhero mask, practise my wit once more on your simple minds and relight the flames of the All Powerful Coffee Furnace of Ni Spresso Toosh Oggars Pleeeeeez.
19:10
Carry on, :)
Tuesday 12 October 2010
Thursday 21 January 2010
From the Desk of the Sell-Out Generation...
12:44
The Desk may have to be wound up folks.
12:45
For reasons known only to the editor and the readership it seems we have been a victim of our own success... Ha ha Pffffftttssstttt OH SHIT, bugger just sprayed my keyboard with coffee laughing at that.
12:46
It seems that times have drifted past the present and into the future. There is no more "dreaming about what the internet can bring". We already know. Porn, Spam, Rolling News Inaccuracy, and more Porn.
12:47
The French are releasing Electric cars just to be the first and to piss off the Americans who are wallowing in the sump drainage of their defunct Oil Addiction.
12:48
The Brits are finally coming to terms with the fact that they are NOT civilised. They are NOT a polite nation of people who follow the rules either. The British are the most hypocritical and selfish of all, made only worse by the fact that they are as spineless as its possible to be without actually flopping onto the floor and wobbling.
12:49
Desperate tokenism when it comes to the environment whilst jet-setting on multiple international holidays. Producing over 350 different types of re-usable bag for shopping with, then leaving the damm things in their gas guzzling 4x4's and using plastic bags anyway. YOU PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS! Demanding ethical behaviour from their MPs and then not actually holding them to account. Frantically screaming for Blair's blood and then when "an inquiry" is the best they get, do they care, complain or fight for what is right... no they bloody put the kettle on don't they.
12:50
Sellafield is returning Nuclear Waste to Japan, and instead of cheering the fact that it is leaving their shores, the British Enviro mob are now moaning that it shouldn't travel... either you want it here or you don't... make up your sodding minds. Add stupidity to the British way.
12:51
I seem to be listing the problem's that brought the desk about in the first place. The mindless complacency, apathy, hypocrisy and laziness of this entire country. I would list the good things you have to offer, but at the moment, they don't justify the atrocious general demeanour you present to the world so you don't get the balance of their benefit of that until you have improved your ways.
12:52
No, the real reason the Desk may have to wind itself up is that times have moved on, and there is nothing cutting edge, forward thinking nor worthwhile reading in a form or forum that is saturated with the same whinging and crabbing.
12:53
Because its so commonplace nowadays, with Blog Journos, Online E-NewsCasts, PodcastBlogcasts, and the limlitlessly stupid Twitter you aren't listening any more. The words don't actually register on your tissue paper thin attention spans, because were they to alight there for longer than a mere millisecond's duration, they'd probably crash through it tearing an irreparable hole in your train of thought that would leave you dribbling and licking peanuts cos the taste reminded you of something you licked when you were about 9 months old.
12:54
The Desk will stand as a symbol, gathering the dust of your dandruff-encrusted passing and providing you with something to lean against as the momentous-ness of your little world wobbles along. But this, the final entry of note, acts to send out a beacon of distress. The year is 2010. The Month, January. The Day is Thursday, the 21st. It is 12:58 despite what the entry reads. Britain is a nation of losers waiting to die. It is a nation of lying politicians, hypocritical idealists, morons with mobiles and selfish OAPs who are clinging to the laurels of the generation that experienced a war... how little the next generation of old people have to lean on, and they are only just realising how much damage they have done, with no "War-experience" insurance policy to justify their disgrace.
13:00
The world will turn and the news will follow it, watch this space for news to come.
13:01
Please don't go on any further until you have thought about it.
The Desk may have to be wound up folks.
12:45
For reasons known only to the editor and the readership it seems we have been a victim of our own success... Ha ha Pffffftttssstttt OH SHIT, bugger just sprayed my keyboard with coffee laughing at that.
12:46
It seems that times have drifted past the present and into the future. There is no more "dreaming about what the internet can bring". We already know. Porn, Spam, Rolling News Inaccuracy, and more Porn.
12:47
The French are releasing Electric cars just to be the first and to piss off the Americans who are wallowing in the sump drainage of their defunct Oil Addiction.
12:48
The Brits are finally coming to terms with the fact that they are NOT civilised. They are NOT a polite nation of people who follow the rules either. The British are the most hypocritical and selfish of all, made only worse by the fact that they are as spineless as its possible to be without actually flopping onto the floor and wobbling.
12:49
Desperate tokenism when it comes to the environment whilst jet-setting on multiple international holidays. Producing over 350 different types of re-usable bag for shopping with, then leaving the damm things in their gas guzzling 4x4's and using plastic bags anyway. YOU PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS! Demanding ethical behaviour from their MPs and then not actually holding them to account. Frantically screaming for Blair's blood and then when "an inquiry" is the best they get, do they care, complain or fight for what is right... no they bloody put the kettle on don't they.
12:50
Sellafield is returning Nuclear Waste to Japan, and instead of cheering the fact that it is leaving their shores, the British Enviro mob are now moaning that it shouldn't travel... either you want it here or you don't... make up your sodding minds. Add stupidity to the British way.
12:51
I seem to be listing the problem's that brought the desk about in the first place. The mindless complacency, apathy, hypocrisy and laziness of this entire country. I would list the good things you have to offer, but at the moment, they don't justify the atrocious general demeanour you present to the world so you don't get the balance of their benefit of that until you have improved your ways.
12:52
No, the real reason the Desk may have to wind itself up is that times have moved on, and there is nothing cutting edge, forward thinking nor worthwhile reading in a form or forum that is saturated with the same whinging and crabbing.
12:53
Because its so commonplace nowadays, with Blog Journos, Online E-NewsCasts, PodcastBlogcasts, and the limlitlessly stupid Twitter you aren't listening any more. The words don't actually register on your tissue paper thin attention spans, because were they to alight there for longer than a mere millisecond's duration, they'd probably crash through it tearing an irreparable hole in your train of thought that would leave you dribbling and licking peanuts cos the taste reminded you of something you licked when you were about 9 months old.
12:54
The Desk will stand as a symbol, gathering the dust of your dandruff-encrusted passing and providing you with something to lean against as the momentous-ness of your little world wobbles along. But this, the final entry of note, acts to send out a beacon of distress. The year is 2010. The Month, January. The Day is Thursday, the 21st. It is 12:58 despite what the entry reads. Britain is a nation of losers waiting to die. It is a nation of lying politicians, hypocritical idealists, morons with mobiles and selfish OAPs who are clinging to the laurels of the generation that experienced a war... how little the next generation of old people have to lean on, and they are only just realising how much damage they have done, with no "War-experience" insurance policy to justify their disgrace.
13:00
The world will turn and the news will follow it, watch this space for news to come.
13:01
Please don't go on any further until you have thought about it.
Wednesday 13 January 2010
The Baby-boomers are to blame
11:44
Face it, they're an overly selfish bunch of money grabbing scum who, as a generation, single-handedly dismantled every social construct that protected us from our own self-destructive behaviour, and NOW they have the audacity to whinge that you want to put them into an old folk;s home instead of letting them move in with you so you can mop up their piss...
11:45
OK, I admit it, a very harsh way to have a go at the olds, but christ they have a lot to answer for.
11:46
They gave us consumerism, rebellion, greed, global tourism, car-obsession, throw-away society, e-numbers, industrial corner cutting, toxic waste, Nimby-ism, the death of the pension and even the destruction of that system and even such socially destructive ideas as nihilism, atheism, feminism, and worst of all bloody Liberalism.
11:47
If you want to thank your parents tell them you've gone and learnt the values they forgot to bloody instil in you cos they were too busy chasing American dreams of car and home ownership whilst competing with each other for who had the best Habitat/Ikea/Heal's kitchen, German car, and international holiday destination...
11:48
They are the last generation with pensions that will actually work and pay out a real liveable wage. They are the generation that force fed their children e-numbers, factory created food, cannibal food (from cow's who ate ground up cow... they're fucking vegetarians for god's sake... BSE wasn't a surprise it was fucking inevitable).
11:49
They are the generation that gave us share-holders... they are the generation that are at the reins of the banks and are currently strangling all sense of dignity and respect from British culture as we speak. They are the generation who revel in greed, who laugh at losers and who epitomise the anti-thesis of all the values they apparently raised you to believe. Decency, integrity, honesty, fairness, respect.
11:50
As a group of people goes, the baby-boomers are a pretty pathetic, bunch who really do actually lead me to my next point very neatly. Logan's Run was disturbingly prophetic.
11:51
Falling has been saying this for years now. There is a finite amount of resources, and we're already involved in a full out economic global World War for them as it is... its only a matter of time before we actually start invading places like Iraq so we can ensure that we have fuel for hte future... oh... wait, hang on a minute.
11:52
I would like to propose a cull... trouble is, I have no idea nor the guts I must admit to propose the parameters for it. Should we have a World War? should we release the plague? Should we go on race, age or hair colour? I don't really know, but at the moment we are indirectly accepting a cull fo the poor whilst idolising the rich so for argument's sake the cull is in progress, I just think we should be able to discuss this for a minute, because the bankers/wealthy have been in charge of this cull process for long enough...
11:53
Time for a vote... should we cull people based on their proportionate wealth relative to the "good deeds" they do with said wealth? Rich philanthropists are exempt, rich slackers get the chop?
11:54
Time to decide cos unlimted life-styles as established by the abby-boomers is a LONG dead concept. Answers please on the last un-skinned marsupial that hasn't featured on a baby-boomers dinner plate at some arsey 5 star Gordon Ramsay shithouse eaterie please to the usual address...
11:55
Carry on.
Face it, they're an overly selfish bunch of money grabbing scum who, as a generation, single-handedly dismantled every social construct that protected us from our own self-destructive behaviour, and NOW they have the audacity to whinge that you want to put them into an old folk;s home instead of letting them move in with you so you can mop up their piss...
11:45
OK, I admit it, a very harsh way to have a go at the olds, but christ they have a lot to answer for.
11:46
They gave us consumerism, rebellion, greed, global tourism, car-obsession, throw-away society, e-numbers, industrial corner cutting, toxic waste, Nimby-ism, the death of the pension and even the destruction of that system and even such socially destructive ideas as nihilism, atheism, feminism, and worst of all bloody Liberalism.
11:47
If you want to thank your parents tell them you've gone and learnt the values they forgot to bloody instil in you cos they were too busy chasing American dreams of car and home ownership whilst competing with each other for who had the best Habitat/Ikea/Heal's kitchen, German car, and international holiday destination...
11:48
They are the last generation with pensions that will actually work and pay out a real liveable wage. They are the generation that force fed their children e-numbers, factory created food, cannibal food (from cow's who ate ground up cow... they're fucking vegetarians for god's sake... BSE wasn't a surprise it was fucking inevitable).
11:49
They are the generation that gave us share-holders... they are the generation that are at the reins of the banks and are currently strangling all sense of dignity and respect from British culture as we speak. They are the generation who revel in greed, who laugh at losers and who epitomise the anti-thesis of all the values they apparently raised you to believe. Decency, integrity, honesty, fairness, respect.
11:50
As a group of people goes, the baby-boomers are a pretty pathetic, bunch who really do actually lead me to my next point very neatly. Logan's Run was disturbingly prophetic.
11:51
Falling has been saying this for years now. There is a finite amount of resources, and we're already involved in a full out economic global World War for them as it is... its only a matter of time before we actually start invading places like Iraq so we can ensure that we have fuel for hte future... oh... wait, hang on a minute.
11:52
I would like to propose a cull... trouble is, I have no idea nor the guts I must admit to propose the parameters for it. Should we have a World War? should we release the plague? Should we go on race, age or hair colour? I don't really know, but at the moment we are indirectly accepting a cull fo the poor whilst idolising the rich so for argument's sake the cull is in progress, I just think we should be able to discuss this for a minute, because the bankers/wealthy have been in charge of this cull process for long enough...
11:53
Time for a vote... should we cull people based on their proportionate wealth relative to the "good deeds" they do with said wealth? Rich philanthropists are exempt, rich slackers get the chop?
11:54
Time to decide cos unlimted life-styles as established by the abby-boomers is a LONG dead concept. Answers please on the last un-skinned marsupial that hasn't featured on a baby-boomers dinner plate at some arsey 5 star Gordon Ramsay shithouse eaterie please to the usual address...
11:55
Carry on.
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