11:54 - The desk has been evicted.
11:55 - The desk has been told that it can't raise the funds required to purchase new premises.
11:56 - The desk is gutted it got such a dammed good accountant whose been saving him money for years but ultimately has scuppered its future. Does nothing work out the way the damm Adverts promise?
11:57 - This is Falling Carefully adding estate agents, mortgage advisers, accountants and Simon Cowell to an ever expanding list of people who will reap the rewards of their evil doings when the time comes.
11:58 - Too long now, devious behaviour, blatant lies, ugly misleading moral codes and blatant bullsh!t have been accepted as the norm. This nation, once an Empire of the world setting the standard and leading the way, is now THE last nation to leave the recession whilst a tiny percentage of its citizens are once again multi-BILLIONAIRES, at the expense of the very same citizenry.
11:59 - The desk has devised a new game for these people. For every pound the tax-payer has pumped into their FAILED business, we shall take 79.3% interest. That's base rate plus 78.8%... we call it the variable bail out tracker. In order for these "people" to take advantage of this rate, we need to know everything, from how many partners they've slept with, to how often they listen to Simply Red albums, to why think they can get away with this sick behaviour. We want forms filled in in triplicate. NOT in capital letters in black ball point, but in legible, joined up writing, in CRAYON... of alternating shades of the rainbow.
12:00 - They will then need to give us the equivalent of £47.25 made up of 17 different currencies (not including pounds sterling) and we do not accept Drachma, Vietnamese Dong, Euros, US, Canadian or OZzie dollars, and half of it has to be made up of bartered goods from Senegal and Chad.
12:01 - If they pass our stringent credit rating, which is so mysteriosuly complex that we make it up each time we assess one of them, then AND ONLY THEN will they be allowed to approach to within 50 meters of us, prostate themselves on the floor, pull their trousers down, shove LIT sparklers up their arses, empty their wallets before them on the floor and beg and plead for our forgiveness...
12:02 - If their performances thus far are deemed suitably contrite, then we may consider allowing them to fill in the next level application form.
12:03 - They're not people, they ARE Bankers spelt with a visible B and a silent W.
12:04 - Spit on EVERY Ferrari, Porsche, Bentley, Rolls Royce and Lambourghini you can. Then demand the prick driving it cleans your car immediately and gives it back.
12:05 - Carry on.
Tuesday 17 November 2009
Sunday 8 November 2009
The moral pixie on your shoulder demanding a more respect!
14:27
Welcome back, so have you bought in yet?
14:28
We're living in a new age, a shiny sparkly age of promise and hope and dreams and, er stuff. Get on the band wagon, vote for a moron to win fame and money, then read about their inability to cope with instant fame.
14:29
Why not ignore politics and just moan about it, then get screwed over by power hungry politicians who have no self-control or moral compass?
14:30
How about you happily dwell in a country that has royally screwed over every third world nation it could in the name of profit, but when the banks do it to you, act all indignant...
14:31
Welcome to 21st century Britain kids. The 20th century sold out for money, plain and simple. Its time for you pathetic whinging little children to start BUYING BACK IN.
14:32
You want respect... ITS NOT GIVEN AUTOMATICALLY, you have to earn it.
14:33
You want ANOTHER TV, a bigger car, a better mp3 player... why? In god's name why if the old one works? Losers!
14:34
Capitalism is raping you and you buy into it willingly. Well why not buy back into social character, into respect, into community, into volunteering, into giving instead of taking...?
14:35
Its time to ask yourselves if you deserve what you've got... seriously.
14:36
Off you go...
Welcome back, so have you bought in yet?
14:28
We're living in a new age, a shiny sparkly age of promise and hope and dreams and, er stuff. Get on the band wagon, vote for a moron to win fame and money, then read about their inability to cope with instant fame.
14:29
Why not ignore politics and just moan about it, then get screwed over by power hungry politicians who have no self-control or moral compass?
14:30
How about you happily dwell in a country that has royally screwed over every third world nation it could in the name of profit, but when the banks do it to you, act all indignant...
14:31
Welcome to 21st century Britain kids. The 20th century sold out for money, plain and simple. Its time for you pathetic whinging little children to start BUYING BACK IN.
14:32
You want respect... ITS NOT GIVEN AUTOMATICALLY, you have to earn it.
14:33
You want ANOTHER TV, a bigger car, a better mp3 player... why? In god's name why if the old one works? Losers!
14:34
Capitalism is raping you and you buy into it willingly. Well why not buy back into social character, into respect, into community, into volunteering, into giving instead of taking...?
14:35
Its time to ask yourselves if you deserve what you've got... seriously.
14:36
Off you go...
Friday 26 June 2009
Desk of the Sell Out Generation - A shiny new dawn full of wonderous dewy hope... BLEURGH!
08:38
So whose the third then? Well come on, Fawcett, Jackson and whose number three? Dammit we can't have the headline, "They always go in three's with just 2 names... THINK DAMMIT THINK!"
08:39
Welcome back. No excuses, no reason, no nothing, just shut up, sit down and listen. Its not over, its only just begun. A new era for the desk. A slight change in fortunes you could say.
08:40
For years I, Falling Carefully, the intrepid explorer of the filth you call "soooo yesterday" have roamed around my desk sipping coffee hoping the Comms Ed would see someone else when they came up with the next brilliantly unwitty story... anything from "Fat... its STILL a story we go on and on about!" to... "How can you make ugly, sexy, or even vice versa!"
08:41
But not, that was the old Falling. Hiding from responsibilty, shirking his duties. Running away from the work but still commenting as though a witty phrase shouted over my own shoulder as I ran for cover made me so much cleverer than anyone else.
08:42
KNOB.
08:43
Well apparently its time for a change... Selling Out was "sooooo yesterday"... but what is today... apart from cloudy gray and the 27th of June 2009?
08:44
It could be, as I've already said, had you been listening... or reading with attention earelier, a new beginning.. or it could be more of the same.
08:45
Apparently Mike's dead. Can we have a poll please... I don't wnat to know why you think he was cool or should have been butchered in his bed... I just want a YEs or No response? Was Mike alright? Yes or no?
08:46
And seriosuly... I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOUR REASONING... I've heard all of it from all sides before... just a simple Yes or no? Was MIke alright?
08:47
This is FallingCarefully wondering what the hell is going on. As the details emerge I'm sure it'll become clear, but last time I could actually focus on anything, I had to gnaw my own arm off in the hope that she wouldn't wake up and I could make my escape without all that awkward, yeah, that was nice, call me, er sure... crap.
08:48
This is Falling Carefully testing out a new keyboard, a new morning, a new direction, a new philosophy.. its based quite clearly on the old way, but Madonna style, I'm trying to reinvent the same old crap and repackage it as something new... hey, maybe she'll be number 3... we live in hope. Child kidnapper that she is... oooh did I say that out loud... YES, I did... just cos you're rich enough to BAMBOOZLE the poor parents of young children who you think are "sweet" doesn't mean there isn't something FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG ABOUT BUYING LITTLE POOR CHILDREN FOR YOUR COLLECTION MADONNA!
08:49
Carry on.
So whose the third then? Well come on, Fawcett, Jackson and whose number three? Dammit we can't have the headline, "They always go in three's with just 2 names... THINK DAMMIT THINK!"
08:39
Welcome back. No excuses, no reason, no nothing, just shut up, sit down and listen. Its not over, its only just begun. A new era for the desk. A slight change in fortunes you could say.
08:40
For years I, Falling Carefully, the intrepid explorer of the filth you call "soooo yesterday" have roamed around my desk sipping coffee hoping the Comms Ed would see someone else when they came up with the next brilliantly unwitty story... anything from "Fat... its STILL a story we go on and on about!" to... "How can you make ugly, sexy, or even vice versa!"
08:41
But not, that was the old Falling. Hiding from responsibilty, shirking his duties. Running away from the work but still commenting as though a witty phrase shouted over my own shoulder as I ran for cover made me so much cleverer than anyone else.
08:42
KNOB.
08:43
Well apparently its time for a change... Selling Out was "sooooo yesterday"... but what is today... apart from cloudy gray and the 27th of June 2009?
08:44
It could be, as I've already said, had you been listening... or reading with attention earelier, a new beginning.. or it could be more of the same.
08:45
Apparently Mike's dead. Can we have a poll please... I don't wnat to know why you think he was cool or should have been butchered in his bed... I just want a YEs or No response? Was Mike alright? Yes or no?
08:46
And seriosuly... I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOUR REASONING... I've heard all of it from all sides before... just a simple Yes or no? Was MIke alright?
08:47
This is FallingCarefully wondering what the hell is going on. As the details emerge I'm sure it'll become clear, but last time I could actually focus on anything, I had to gnaw my own arm off in the hope that she wouldn't wake up and I could make my escape without all that awkward, yeah, that was nice, call me, er sure... crap.
08:48
This is Falling Carefully testing out a new keyboard, a new morning, a new direction, a new philosophy.. its based quite clearly on the old way, but Madonna style, I'm trying to reinvent the same old crap and repackage it as something new... hey, maybe she'll be number 3... we live in hope. Child kidnapper that she is... oooh did I say that out loud... YES, I did... just cos you're rich enough to BAMBOOZLE the poor parents of young children who you think are "sweet" doesn't mean there isn't something FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG ABOUT BUYING LITTLE POOR CHILDREN FOR YOUR COLLECTION MADONNA!
08:49
Carry on.
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