Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Desk of the Sell Out Generation...

11:54 - The desk has been evicted.

11:55 - The desk has been told that it can't raise the funds required to purchase new premises.

11:56 - The desk is gutted it got such a dammed good accountant whose been saving him money for years but ultimately has scuppered its future. Does nothing work out the way the damm Adverts promise?

11:57 - This is Falling Carefully adding estate agents, mortgage advisers, accountants and Simon Cowell to an ever expanding list of people who will reap the rewards of their evil doings when the time comes.

11:58 - Too long now, devious behaviour, blatant lies, ugly misleading moral codes and blatant bullsh!t have been accepted as the norm. This nation, once an Empire of the world setting the standard and leading the way, is now THE last nation to leave the recession whilst a tiny percentage of its citizens are once again multi-BILLIONAIRES, at the expense of the very same citizenry.

11:59 - The desk has devised a new game for these people. For every pound the tax-payer has pumped into their FAILED business, we shall take 79.3% interest. That's base rate plus 78.8%... we call it the variable bail out tracker. In order for these "people" to take advantage of this rate, we need to know everything, from how many partners they've slept with, to how often they listen to Simply Red albums, to why think they can get away with this sick behaviour. We want forms filled in in triplicate. NOT in capital letters in black ball point, but in legible, joined up writing, in CRAYON... of alternating shades of the rainbow.

12:00 - They will then need to give us the equivalent of £47.25 made up of 17 different currencies (not including pounds sterling) and we do not accept Drachma, Vietnamese Dong, Euros, US, Canadian or OZzie dollars, and half of it has to be made up of bartered goods from Senegal and Chad.

12:01 - If they pass our stringent credit rating, which is so mysteriosuly complex that we make it up each time we assess one of them, then AND ONLY THEN will they be allowed to approach to within 50 meters of us, prostate themselves on the floor, pull their trousers down, shove LIT sparklers up their arses, empty their wallets before them on the floor and beg and plead for our forgiveness...

12:02 - If their performances thus far are deemed suitably contrite, then we may consider allowing them to fill in the next level application form.

12:03 - They're not people, they ARE Bankers spelt with a visible B and a silent W.

12:04 - Spit on EVERY Ferrari, Porsche, Bentley, Rolls Royce and Lambourghini you can. Then demand the prick driving it cleans your car immediately and gives it back.

12:05 - Carry on.

1 comment:

The Paranoid Mod said...

Glad you're still going. Me too, sort of. Fancy a bespoke rant on Boycott, I could use the company...