Thursday, 4 September 2008

Elastic trap time warp

11.35 - Suuh uh uhhhhhhhhhh, NAP! Ouch dammit!

11.36 - Its not the change, its the ferocity of the ping as the band breaks tearing itself in half and slapping you as hard as possible that really stings. Like blowing up a balloon and having it burst in your face. Cheap elastic bands. What's the point? Something designed to do one particular job but produced so cheaply that it is utterly incapable of doing that one job.

11.37 - Its scarily similar to the unreal snap between "new staff member" and someone who is now responsible for a HUGE desk load of pap that, just 10 minutes before the meeting would have been deemed far too much with as little experience as I have, but now after the meeting am suddenly point man on.

11.38 - Fat children. A simple topic, an epidemic of morbid proportions threatening to engulf the next 50 years of Britain in a sloppy, lardy, early grave, cellulite coated, wheezing, rubbery fatty layer of lazy yoof and their cheese clogged arteries. A subject of little interest as I happily pedal my caffeine fueled fitness machine between home full of the latest organic mung bean bum burger mixtures, and work where responsiblity driven policy means even I can't operate the kitchen microwave for fear of crossing some previsouly unwritten, but now gospel, Health and Safety subcode of puritanical inflantilism and litigous driven paranoia.

11:39 - And yet just 5 mintues after the meeting of 5 minutes ago, I am now single-handedly responsible for drawing together the lick spittles, meeja-whores-on-a-free-buffet-junket, Soap Box Brawlers and Party-line toadies into the the same filter coffee fueled "pohsh" chamber embued with some tedious sense of fresh modernity or alternatively decorated with a sense of tediously ancient stability to discuss why fat kids won't get up off their arses and do something about their own predicament.

11:40 - Who shoulders repsonsibility for my hang-over, or inability to pay the rent? When do I get to blame someone else for the state of the roads that I pay for but tax dodgers don't? When does the opinion of the Neo-Con Daily Hate Mailer get heard without prejudice (alright never but you see what I'm getting at).

11:41 - So I guess what I'm saying is... asking the bitter resentful, coffee-less, caffeine addict to invite lots of over-paid gob-sh!tes into a room to discuss the lazy attitudes of an entire cross section of the British population is a recipe for disaster.

11:42 - Forget corrupting the youth, they're long past redemption. I say corrupt the system, because this apparent idyll of democracy driven sound bytes and unlistened to protest clearly isn't quite as idyllic for anyone except those holding its head firmly on the floor whilst standing on its neck. Democracy pah. Its an exemplary con-trick of despotism with a few bells and whistles and a few different letters in the name.

11:43 - Corrupting the system... its gonna be tougher than I though without coffee.

11:44 - Please send all contributions to the usual address, and having eradicated all the wombats in my last Christmas mail out, I suggest using Duck Billed Platypi as the alternative. YES Platypi... if no one is going to agree, then I'm making an executive decision... deal with it.

11:45 - Carry on.

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